Peaceful
by Renee' Johnson

All the way home, I kept thinking about was how good it would feel to be around family. A 16 hour drive would definitely give me time to clear my head, or clutter it with thoughts. I was definitely looking forward to seeing relatives I hadn't seen for over 20 years, and wondered how they'd react to seeing me all grown up. I could hear it, "Who's that?" "Is that Judy's daughter??" "My how she's grown."

"It's good to see you baby, I just wish it was under more pleasant circumstances."

If you remember, a while back I shared a story with you about my Uncle, Uncle E. Well, just to refresh your memory, Uncle E. was suffering from Alzheimer's and battling cancer. Although he fought it down to the wire, he lost the battle on Feb. 18th, 2005. Of course it was a very sad time, but oddly enough, it was a time some of the family members were looking forward to. Ok, so yeah, that sounds a little... I don't know, crazy? Creepy? Well, actually, they were looking forward to it because he was in so much pain. It hurt to see him like that. Cancer is a disease that eats away at a person day by day. Uncle E's body was so overcome by it, he almost looked like a different person. His eyes and occasional laugh were a reminder of the man we 'knew'.

If any of you have ever driven through Texas, you DO know that if you go an inch over the speed limit, you WILL be pulled over. Don't mess with Texas? No, don't mess with Bubba after he's been patiently waiting all night for someone to challenge the theory. So once we hit the Texas border, the ride got a little longer. Can you say 'radar detector'? It's an investment I should've made a long time ago. Lucky for me, God was watching, so he didn't allow me to get caught in Bubba's 'catch me a mf' apprehension device.

When I went over to see my Aunt D., I don't really know what I was expecting, but I didn't expect her to be so, I don't know, calm. She had this calm about her, that I've seen before, but I guess since I wasn't expecting it, it kind of threw me off. It was almost surreal. Walking into the house and seeing all these people around her and some being so much more emotional than she was. All of them acting so 'busy' or in such distress. Some of them were relatives, some weren't. Some of them cried like they'd known my Uncle E. for years, when in reality, some of them admittedly had only met him once or twice. Before I could even get mad about what seemed to be an 'act' put on by some of these people, I had to step back and realize Uncle E. had that affect on quite a few people. You didn't have to know him in and out to know that he was a kind hearted person, even when he didn't particularly want to be.

I went over and sat next to my Aunt, and she gave me the biggest hug. I could see the dim in her smile, but given the circumstances, it was just great to see her smiling. When she spoke to me, it was as if we were in the room alone. She told me about the day my Uncle E. passed away. She was getting ready to feed him breakfast. When she lifted the spoon to his mouth, he looked up at her, smiled, and then tears welled in his eyes. He stared at her and she grabbed his hand, and when the tears did fall from his eyes, it was his last goodbye. Well, I cry every time I recall the story, but I remember how calm she was as she told the story to me. I always knew she was a strong woman, but that's what my Uncle E. needed, a strong woman. They kept telling her to put him in 'the home' so that she wouldn't have to be bothered with all the changes and pain he was experiencing. But my Aunt D always held her ground, and she wouldn't hear of it. She'd always answer them with, "They can probably take care of him, but they can't take care of him and love him like I can." End of discussion.

The day of the funeral, it was gloomy outside. Even the sky cried for Uncle E.