...::: Sunpiper Press Editors Corner--Renee' Johnson :::...






	Call Me Now!! Renee' Johnson News Flash! ::: Staring at a blank page/screen will not induce creativity! ::: Writers block is the most common disease amongst writers, but luckily, there is a cure! Yes that's right! There is a cure! And for the low low fee of $4,375,292.00 I will provide you with that cure!! Sure! You can use pay pal to make the transaction, although you may have to send me the payments in installments over a 15 year period since they tend to limit your spending. But just think, if you start now, by the time you finish paying, you still won't have a book out, and I will be filthy effing rich! Um, I mean, you will reap the benefits of my 6,782 page downloadable e-book! That's right! Here is what I provide: make sure you scroll down this list in warp speed so you can get the full effect of missing the small print 800 ways to solicit money for your book (I’m using method #621 RIGHT NOWW!) 332 SPECTACULAR clip art images for your cheap looking ink jet printed best seller!! 561 different keyboard shortcuts to help you creatively indent your poem (which are not located on anyone else’s computer, so don’t be pissed when your poem doesn’t come out ‘the way you sent it in’. 532 ways to act shocked when your error-ridden manuscript is REJECTED by every publisher/agent you seek. 733 descriptive words to describe your sexual prowess, revolutionary status, sexual orientation, gothic/death encounter, and our bonus ‘not good enough to be actual rap lyrics so I’ll call it a poem’ section! Act Now for the next 15 minutes of every half hour for the next 18 months, and you'll receive ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY FREE 15 authentic reader testimonials by credited online poetry analyst DeepRub12345@aosmell.com!!! -cue Barry White music here- "Hi, this is DeepRub12345, and I have been analyzing poetry online for 3 weeks. I will break down your poetry and send you head-inflating compliments such as: That was the BOMB! Awww yeah, that was tight! Your word usage is stimulating, can we meet offli..." THANKYOUUUUU... Deep, Rub... OH MY GOD CAN YOU STAND IT?!?! And what, you ask, does this have to do with writer's block? NOTHINNNNNG! That's right, nothing at all! Why, you'll be so damn enthused, or bamboozled (you choose) that you will be INSPIRED to write! (I/am/not/responsible/for/your/stupidity/if/you/feel/the/need/to/buy/my/crap/do/not/mention/ that/it/is/THE/product/you've/been/waiting/for/to/put/your/dumb/ass/on/the/map/the/backlash /may/be/remarkably/overwhelming/and/I/don't/want/my/name/linked/to/your/silly/ass/in/the/ unlikely/event/your/story/makes/it/to/20-20/Dateline/or/60/minutes) **Side effects include: false hope, carpal tunnel syndrome, weak mindedness, inability to operate a brain, numb skull, mood swings, and failure to realize you've been had. I know you're scrambling right now to figure out what bill(s) you can put on hold just to order your copy now! Oh yeah, and don't forget, the thing is 6,782 pages long. Go buy some printer ink and paper. I will provide you with all the different ways to do all that stuff, but only 1 way to get a clue. That's right people, get a clue. Sure, there ARE quality programs on the market that assist writers with formatting and editing their work. I've even tried (out of curiosity, and of course, for free) some of the programs that assist you in structuring your work. Again, there are quality programs on the market, but if you think that you can type in two words and the program will write you a Nobel Peace prize winning poem, you're delusional. Creativity can be stimulated by several different things, and everyone has their own way of 'getting there'. When people ask me to recommend a place to help them find their creativity, I usually tell them to look inside themselves. When I get that 'blank stare', I tell them to use Google. There are tons of websites and online groups that provide in- depth HONEST critiques, free writing courses & tips, and several 'how-to' references are listed as well. Oh but here's a suggestion, how about old fashioned BRAINSTORMING?? It works wonders, and, IT'S FREE! I feel that we all are so caught up in this 'let me fix it for you' mind frame that we sometimes forget that we're paying someone to tell us something that we already know. If you have a program that has helped you with your writing, I'd love to hear about it, so email me! For those who don't have one, but have been thinking about purchasing one, remember, the output is determined by the input. Or, you get out what you put into it. Or, you get what you give. Or something like that.... where did I put that e-book.